So, sometimes I do…
Homeopathic Haiku
Drank empty water
and sometime later became
slightly betterer
Homeopathic Poem
…
Thank you Philip Larkin
they’ll stress you out
your offspring will
they may not mean to
but they do
by inheriting all the faults you have
and acquiring new ones
just for you
they’ll stress you out
your offspring will
and so will your parents
and that bloke in the petrol queue
and the check-out woman
and your partner too
plus those bastards at the Mail
and those bitches – you know who
religious leaders who homilise
and them and those and they and you
not to mention bankers
is there anyone I’ve missed
not much of a poem really
more of a list….
Short Love Poem
Could making love
With short women
Potentially be
Hobbit forming…
A fruit to conjure with
Pushed my way into
The fruit aisle
It was difficult
As resistance
Is fruit aisle
Picked up an orange
Thought that’s a fruit
To conjure with
So I did
Orange, orange, orange (juggling)
And someone said
Why are you using
An orange in a poem
As nothing rhymes
With orange
And I said
No it doesn’t
Thoughtless cliches that deserve a metaphorical face punching
When someone says
Everything happens for a reason
Punch them in the face
That’s sufficient reason for me to seize on
When someone says
Every cloud has a silver lining
Punch them in the face
You’re panning for sterling needs redefining
When someone says
Cheer up chuck, it may never happen
Punch them in the face
Happen it’s happened, why’re you laffin
When someone says
Brexit means Brexit
Punch them in the face
Moron means moron and pathetic pathetic
When someone says
What star sign are you
Punch them in the face
Capricorns hate horoscopes, that much is true
When someone says
My name is Boris Johnson
Just punch them in the face
Then punch them in the face
And then punch them in the face…