Prologue: talking with a limp
‘Talking with a limp’ (TWAL)
Meaning: when what you say and how you behave is profoundly influenced by psychological issues from your past – but you are oblivious to how much as your post hoc rationalisation is so effective. The how and why the public school culture implemented in Westminster and parliament is so unhealthy for our society. It’s time to change…
0 Beginning and ending. Then and now
So that’s me well and truly fucked for life…
Exhibit: John Redwood: Kent College independent public boarding school: 2 years ahead of me…
1 Locker-room lynching
The slow clap of dead puppy ears
Exhibit: Tony Blair: boarder at Fettes College, Edinburgh, hated the school
2 Happy Christmas…
Slaughter boarding
Exhibit: Boris Johnson: boarded at Ashdown House, then Eton
3 First coming…
Learning “love” in a cubicle…
Exhibit: Jacob Rees-Mogg: Eton
4 The killing fields of “Eton”
Thrown to a small dog
Exhibit: Suella Braverman, Heathfield private school
5 Staff cast and no returns – but one
The asylum has taken over the lunatics
Exhibit: Jeremy Hunt, Charterhouse independent school
6 Leave of absence of ability to leave
Detention under the Mental Health Act – or not…
Exhibit: George Osborne, Norland Place School, Colet Court and St Paul’s independent Schools
7 Losing his religion
A Naked Ape in the woods
Exhibit: Nigel Lawson, Beechwood Park and Westminster independent schools
8 Before the “it never did him any harm” – ing
Mum, dad, brother, polio and other stories
Exhibit: Mat Hancock, The King’s School, private school
9 The games peers play
Kidnapping, shove halfpenny football, humiliation, paper planes, suicide?
Exhibit: Nick Clegg, Caldicott and Westminster independent schools
10 Protein shakes
Competitive wanking, sex, sex, and more sex…
Exhibit: Nigel Farage, Dulwich College, staff concerns over racist and fascist views
11 Academicalluses and friction
103% in O level maths mock – “O” the irony…
Exhibit: Rishi Sunak, Winchester College public school
12 Adult-ary and imprinting
Second coming, yellow glove girl
Exhibit: 78% of UK prime ministers went to public school…
13 Planning his escape
You must be Mr Wilson…
Exhibit: 29% of MPS privately educated; 45% of conservative MPs…
14 Returned to the wild
The riddle of the Spinks…
Exhibit: David Cameron: Heatherdown independent preparatory school and Eton
Limping into the sunset – epilogue
It was all so different before everything changed…